5 iPads for Autism

I have a brilliant idea!!

I want to get 5 iPads into the hands of non/pre-verbal autistic children... and more if I can.

How?

Well, let me back up a tiny bit and tell you were I got the idea... It stemmed from my frustration with the system. I was using my blog as a rant... aka cheap therapy!! But as I typed those words, I started to get this idea... let's do a fundraiser to raise the funds for an iPad for Sahara.

But, I am not a self-serving person... so I started to think bigger, let's ask for more donations than what we personally need. Let's get enough to fund 5 additional iPads for other Autistics... Imagine the empowerment you would create in those lives!!

Hence the birth of the Sahara's Voice fundraiser.

Well, we posted the fundraiser 5 days ago and have raised $162 so far... while that is awesome!!! I want to keep it rolling.... please share this page with everyone you know... let's show the world what it means to pay it forward!!

Please remember a bunch of little things can add up to be a huge thing!!

If you have a company, consider donating in the company's name. The company will be acknowleged on our blog, twitter, facebook and in press releases.

Here are some links of interest:

iPad GIVES VOICE TO AUTISTICS

Extensive list of iPad applications for people with autism

Expressive application

My Morning Rant

I was on Facebook this morning and started to write a morning greeting in response to a post by a local autism center,"

"The latest British Medical Journal paper about autism and vaccines, which provides evidence that the initial report linking autism and vaccines was fraudulent, and the media coverage that ensued, miss an important point…"

...and since my thoughts wouldn't fit the character limit... I brought it here.

Firstly, I was stunned to see an autism school post something so controversial. I do think their job should be education, intervention and advocacy... and that their opinions about the autism/vaccinate debate should be removed from their public statements. (... So I thought that this post was risky.)

But, they are right about questioning the media's coverage ... because, of course, we know that the media is a great place to get unbiased information!!

Secondly, (here I go…) I think Wakefield is a scapegoat!! (Do you know he had nothing to do with our pre-autism decision not to vaccinate?) Yes, that is right we made this decision before autism was in our lives... And in case you are thinking, “See, you didn’t vaccinate and your child still has autism!” Let me clarify, that doesn't 'prove' anything... I often wonder why no one is researching maternal vaccine history... For instance, RhoGam ??

I know too many parents who have reported regressive autism, not to question it’s etiology. I do not think autism is ‘caused’ just by vaccines, and in some cases… that is precisely what I think. But, I also think genetics, environmental toxins take a role as well…

Moving on to what Really pushed my buttons… this particular post went on to quote Autism Speaks,

"Until science discovers the causes of autism and explains its dramatic increase, parents will continue to reach their own conclusions and desperately try a wide range of treatments, whether there is evidence to support them or not. The answer is not to look to the past and look for blame, but rather to look to the future. We need increased research financing directed toward rigorous science that can provide the answers that parents are looking for and deserve. Until this happens, we will continue to wallow in controversy, and people with autism and families will continue to struggle with autism on their own."

Geraldine Dawson

Chief Science Officer, Autism Speaks

New York, Jan. 13, 2011

Editorial in New York TImes by the Chief Science Officer of Autism Speaks

Let me be clear Autism Speaks does not speak for myself OR my child! I have many questions, but mostly where is all this money they raise??? ... and why (or how) should we take YOUR research seriously while you are insulting parents across the world with statements like this... how can we expect unbiased research ? We can't!

In this statement you are indirectly (no, directly) are asking for more money to fund research?? Does anyone else see this statement as exploitation?? In the first two sentences, parental desperation is address… then whap… they put their hand out!

What about the 6 digits your executives are making? Do you know many autism families have lost their homes, have gone down to one income, and are scrapping by to do what they can with what they have for their children while you sit in your fancy upstate New York office getting rich off of us?

I don't need Autism Speaks to tell me that my child is 'broken' or that my marriage is going to end in divorce or that autism is entity stalking my family... I have found a way past her label, the stereotypes, the fears... but that doesn't mean I sit back and quietly listen to this crap... stop exploiting our kids, adult friends and loved ones.

Stop paying your executives 6 digits! Stop spending more ((a lot more)) on travel and office expenses than what you contribute to autism research and family services. Then maybe you don't have to recruit parents on the front line to go out to collect donations and walk... when they should be focusing their attention on their child.

Finally, take the dollar sign of my child's head!!

Let me conclude with this thought...

Whether you believe vaccinations is the trigger for your loved one's autism or whether you embrace nuero-diversity... let's unite to empower the global autism community. It doesn't have to be a heated debate of one side vs the other.

In fact, I have found common ground with both sides. I do believe pre-natal vaccines contributed to my child's condition, but I also accept that she is phenomenal.. autism or not. I will continue to support her and offer her the tools she needs to reduce her challenges. I have found blessings disguised as autism...

But, autism doesn't define who she is... she is Sahara Grace, a fantastic 6 year old exploding with possibilities.

As for Autism Speaks... shame on you for exploiting our community.

Book Review: The Power of Intention

The Power of Intention – Gift Edition

Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way

By Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I was first introduced to Dr. Wayne Dyer many years ago through his public television broadcast of The Power of Intention. I found Dr. Dyer to be articulate, heart centered, peaceful and charming as he thoughtfully spoke his words, “Intention is a force in the universe, and everything and everyone is connected to this invisible force.”

My life was instantly transformed as I integrated The Power of Intention into my own personal life. Specifically, The Seven Faces of Intention impacted my daily actions and thoughts, fostering great change within me— Creativity, Kindness, Love, Beauty, Expansiveness, Abundance and Receptivity. These are powerful concepts that can create profound shifts for anyone when mindfully implemented.

As I re-read the 2010 gift edition of this unparalleled work, those seven concepts elicited a feeling of peace and harmony within the core of my being. I became aware of how much over the years I unconsciously integrated these Faces Of Intention into my own personal daily practices. In particular, I began to distinguish how much Dr. Dyer’s work had influenced my style of mothering…. I keenly became aware of the way in which I intended opportunities, growth, expansion and health within my young children’s lives and how I have taught them core life values through The Power of Intention.

As I continue to nurture these concepts and values with my young children, I understand that they are receiving an extraordinary gift and a means to manifest and cultivate a purposeful life; unlocking a power within them to have control over their unknown futures. I enthusiastically recognize that The Source of creation is alive and expressing itself through these dynamic children, not just mine… but through all children.

I believe the most profound outcome I have experienced with The Power of Intention is in the realm of my perception of what it means to be a special needs mother. When my youngest daughter was diagnosed with infantile autism at age 4 ½ we had a difficult choice... We could either blindly accept the diagnosing psychologist’s perspective of our daughter having a future full of great difficulty OR create a life of unlimited potential and opportunity for her.

At the time of the diagnosis, my husband and I were told that our little girl would never to go college, work or live independently; that she would have immense limitations put on her level of socialization; and that her life would include no option for marriage nor children of her own. As if that wasn’t bad enough, we were told to prepare for a long complicated road ahead of us and to start making plans for a future that was certain to include group homes and a life time of non-verbal communication.

Alone and full of raw emotion, I cried for days about her uncertain future. Then on the third morning, during a meditation I had an epiphany… My daughter was exceptional beyond any label or prognosis forced upon her. This meant I was about to relinquish the perspective of the psychologist AND set into motion my own intentions about the magnificent fulfilling life she inherently deserved.

I immediately began meditating on the things I intended for my daughter… to find her way out of catatonia, to develop verbal communication, to long for touch, to socialize, to play with her older sister, to enter mainstream public education, etc… I began to see her doing these things in my meditations, I focused on the feelings of elation when I witnessed her tiny milestones, and I began to treat her as if she was exceptional beyond the label of autism… a perfect creation through God.

I expected miracles…. And we got them!

The invitation to review The Power of Intention presented itself at the perfect time in our lives. It has served as a gentle reminder of how powerful we all are and how all of our possibilities already reside within us. It has jogged my memory that there are no physical limitations. It has evoked gratitude about a time that I was rendered helpless… and how The Power of Intention turned our lives around in order to discover our daughter being an absolute expression of life!

Dr. Dyer has offered us effective tools to use along our personal journey; tools that have empowered us to not aim at curing our daughter of autism, but to soften the challenges that she experiences so that she may have a fantastic life of her choosing. Our shift in thought has opened the door to infinite opportunities for both of our children and selves.

The Power of Intention, Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way is a perfect read for not only parents of special children, but for anyone seeking change in their lives. Dr. Dyer offers specific tasks and steps to take to unleash the power within you to create that which you desire. Keep in mind, this isn’t a how to recipe style book, rather it is a unique piece of literature that guides you to look at life differently and to open yourself to take an active role in what you kind of life you have.

The Power of Intention is saturated with facts about this energy behind our thoughts and actions. In particular, the summarization of the 29 year research of Dr. David Hawkins is instrumental in the realization that this unseen vibrational force is the frequency that impacts and gives life to everything… including our thoughts, actions, and…. intentions.

Dr. Dyer does more than present these facts and ideas to us, he paints a unique picture through stories and quotes from poets, philosophers and modern day teachers. This collection of words illustrates to us the power of our thought, words and intent; that we can and do have the power within us that can create that which we desire. Dr. Dryer helps us realize that we can have an active role in what takes place in our lives.

Uniquely designed, each page brings the sensation of The Source alive through brilliant bursts of colors and inspirational art. This stunningly beautiful version of Dr. Dyer’s work serves as an excellent addition to your own personal collection or as a thoughtful gift to a loved one.

“Dr. Wayne W. Dyer is an internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development. He is the author of more than 30 books, has created numerous audio programs and videos, and has appeared on thousands of television and radio shows. www.DrWayneDyer.com”

Hay House

Amazon

Barnes & Nobel

Chapters Indigo (Canada)

AWN: Crucial support to women, teens, girls and families on the autism spectrum

The Autism Women’s Network (AWN) offers crucial support to women, teens, girls and families on the autism spectrum... please take a moment today to read this and take action to let them know that not only does the autism community appreciate their efforts, but so do others.

For the past several months I have posted a link on my Facebook and Twitter page daily for the The Autism Women’s Network’s chance to win a $50,000 grant to help females on the autism spectrum in the Pepsi Refresh Project...

While this is a very important cause to me, I am sure that it is probable that many of my mainstream friends roll their eye as I continue to ask for their support! It is even likely that many will be relieved to hear this will be the last month that AWN will enter this contest.

Over the past few months, by participating in the self-driven need to promote this project, I have been warmly accepted as a mother representing her non-verbal six year old daughter among this community of self-advocates. As my interest in this project strengthened so did my report with several of the women from AWN.

I discuss why I value this project (HERE) and (HERE).

In short, I have a daughter on the spectrum that was not diagnosed until after years of pleading with professionals to listen. (I am certain that her gender played a role in the lack of attention to our continuous concerns.) I also recognize that females are underserved and represented in the presentation of the spectrum.

It isn’t that I ignore male issues on the autism spectrum; I just have a vested interest in female issues because that is my reality. My goal in supporting Autism Women’s Network is simple:

To get the support my children and I need on a personal level. And to globally help girls, teens and adult women (and their families) to get the support and education they need, to prevent abuse, and to promote early intervention for females.

So, how will this project help?

Project Overview:

The Autism Women's Network is unique in that it was founded by women on the autism spectrum. Our mission is to provide effective supports to autistic females of all ages through a sense of community, advocacy, and resources. AWN's Project FAIM ( F emale A utistic I nsight M entoring) workshops will be the 1st of its kind. We plan to set up 5 Project FAIM Workshops across the USA which will focus on qualities specific to females on the autism spectrum. Topics will include: peer supports, adolescence, adult life, relationships, vulnerabilities and successful communications. Project FAIM Workshops will include active supports and information for everyone (autistics, parents, educators, etc.) The participants will meet renowned autistic females whereby gaining valuable insight. We will secure the Autism Women's Network non-profit status so we can continue to provide Community Events, online Forum support & E-Mentoring as well as our AWN Radio Show.

This has already begun to come into fruition through the Pepsi Campaign…

Sharon daVanport, AWN executive director, told me that, “This campaign has put AWN in contact with dozens of organizations, fabulous community minded projects and wonderful men, women and children from coast to coast across the USA.”

Isn’t that exciting!?!?! Imagine how this will impact our autism community as a whole!!

Not only that, AWN has received 9 invitations (including me) to host workshops across the US!! “Most of the invitations have included travel, lodging, and offers of a place to host the events! AWN has almost doubled the number of workshops which the Pepsi Grant would have provided.”

Can it get any better? Well, yes it can…

Sharon said, “The grant funds we were allocating to establish AWN as a non-profit will be minimized. We've had another 501 3C step up and say that they will back AWN through the process of filing all Federal, State, and trademark documents to finalize our non-profit if we do not finish December in the Top 10!”

So it appears that AWN will be winners (2x over) at the end of December whether or not we finish in the top 10!

There are three ways to support this project if you would like to vote for AWN…

VOTE Daily:
(1) On Facebook ☛ http://bit.ly/akQc0P?
(2) Text 101500 to Pepsi at (73774)
(3) Online at: ☛ http://pep.si/eg1mOG

Do you Support Females on the Autism Spectrum? I DO!!

Every morning for the past 11 days I have been reminding my online friends to vote for the Pepsi refresh Project. Specifically, I have asked them to support The Autism Women’s Network to win a $50,000 grant to fund AWN’S PROJECT FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) which will host workshops across the USA.

Why is that so important to me?

…Simply, because I have a six year old daughter on the autism spectrum. Really I think that is enough of a reason, don’t you?

Before autism was intimately in my life, I had a fairy tale version of what my life would look like in my head. Yeah, I believe there may have even been a white picket fence in that dream. Silly Me!

When I started noticing (as early as 5 months of age) that my daughter wasn’t developing typically I went through the whole range of emotions… denial, anger, blame – you name it, it was there. Eventually after oceans of tears, I was able to move into a place of acceptance and even gratitude.

Autism HAS blessed my life with friends, opportunities and self growth that would have other wised failed to exist. But, that is my life… it is full of optimism. But, then I hesitate and think about my daughter's future… what will that look like? Will she dream of white picket fences?

Hold the breaks Mom… she is only six!!

Yes, I know, but I don’t think any differently about her life than I do about her neuro-typical sister’s. And with her sister in the middle of the tween-age years I am filled with more questions than answers:

Self esteem ~ Boys ~ Hygiene ~ Dating ~ Peer Pressure ~ Accountability ~ Respect for Self and Others ~ Hormones ~ Friends ~ Academics ~ Body Image ~ Sibling Rivalry ~ Drugs & Alcohol ~ Safe Sex ~ Female Empowerment ~ Communication

And as I am faced with these new issues with her sister, I cannot help but to wonder how I will address this with her. These issues are huge, but couple them with the challenges of autism...

Sensory Processing Issues ~ Communication Barriers ~ Environmental and Dietary Sensitivities ~ Discrimination ~ Physical Limitations ~ Emotional Imbalances ~ Vulnerabilities ~ Stemming ~ Pictorial Thinking ~ Facial Cue Integration ~ Socialization Challenges ~ Cognitive Delays

... and it can be overwhelming. How do I educate her? How do I promote safety? How will she develop self esteem and confidence?

Today she seems to have no awareness of most of these things… she lives for the moment, but that doesn’t mean I don’t prepare myself and become proactive in the female issues that she will eventually face.

I can even let my mind wander about her adult future and what that will look like and what challenges she may or may not endure … And I wonder how does being a female autistic impact these issues for her? How will she get the support she needs to be successful in whatever SHE chooses to do with her life? How will she become an empowered woman when she faces obvious challenges? How will she access the resources she needs for life skills?

College ~ Independent Living ~ Career ~ Marriage ~ Family ~ Childbirth ~ Motherhood ~ Abuse ~ Sexuality ~ Relationships ~ Rape ~ Civil Rights ~ Finances

Raising a daughter has its challenges… add autism to it and it becomes even more challenging.

I am perfectly capable of rising to this challenge… but that doesn’t mean I don’t reach out for supports and education. To me that is what the FAIM project is doing. My daughter does have some empowered Autistic Women on her side, advocating for her and it is through their experience that I embrace hope and yes even excitement about her future.

AWN through their FAIM project will visit 5 US cities to provide “effective supports to autistic females of all ages through sense of community, advocacy, and resources.” This is something our community needs… by community I mean the Female Autistic Community. As a mother to a female child on the autism spectrum, I believe that is my community too. And in my corner of the world we respect, support and encourage members of our community. So... having said that, I am asking all of my friends to support AWN with there vision.

Here is a list of things that this grant will provide (taken directly from the Pepsi Refresh Project Page)…

The Autism Women's Network is unique in that it was founded by women on the autism spectrum. Our mission is to provide effective supports to autistic females of all ages through a sense of community, advocacy, and resources.

· AWN's Project FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) workshops will be the 1st of its kind.

· We plan to set up 5 Project FAIM Workshops across the USA which will focus on qualities specific to females on the autism spectrum. Topics will include: peer supports, adolescence, adult life, relationships, vulnerabilities and successful communications. Project FAIM Workshops will include active supports and information for everyone (autistics, parents, educators, etc.)

· The participants will meet renowned autistic females whereby gaining valuable insight.

· We will secure the Autism Women's Network non-profit status so we can continue to provide Community Events, online Forum support & E-Mentoring as well as our AWN Radio Show.

I believe that this grant will start a ripple effect that is needed among the female autistic population. So

, I invite you to vote for The Autism Women’s Network to win a $50,000 grant to fund AWN’S PROJECT FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) daily until the end of this month, August 31, 2010.

Wi Active Challenge: Day 5

One of the reasons I was concerned about trying the Wi-Active again is because... last time I got to Day 4 I ended up in the ER and laid up for 7 weeks with kidney stones.

Now you might ask, "What does Wi-Active have to do with kidney stones?"

On Day 4 there happens to be a lot of jumping. I had this thought that perhaps that jiggled the stones loose the last time. Well, last night laying in bed... sure enough my left kidney started to throb. I knew that pain; it is one you cannot associate with anything else; kidney stones. I laid there and did Reiki on my kidneys while breathing through the pain... it wasn't as intense as February's episode so I was able to fall asleep.

When I got up this morning I still had a twinge, but it wasn't bad... I figured I would drink lots of water and hope that one of the remaining 16 stones would soon dislodge and pass with ease. I looked at the Wi.... DAY 5!!

Yes, that is right, I went ahead and did my workout. Why? I figured it could help this process and my over all health goal is important to me. So onward I ventured into jumping, running and boxing....

Okay, maybe not the brightest idea... I believe the stone is big and it is stuck trying to get out of the kidney; the more I exercised the more intense the pain.

Unfortunately, I had to reschedule my rare dinner date tonight with two good friends but am optimistic that the stone will pass soon. In the mean time, I am drinking tons of water and have located the left over percocet from the last episode just in case.

Day 5... Burned 137 calories.

Jenny McCarthy Offers Hope To Mothers: Part 2!

I wrote a post about Jenny McCarthy offering hope to some mothers a couple of months ago... Yes, I understand that was risky. You either love her or hate her, right?

Well, it turns out, some thought that opened me up to a debate on vaccinations. The post really wasn't supposed to be about vaccinations... it was about hope, hope that so many in the anti-Jenny camp rape mothers of. Hope that our children CAN function normally...

I understand, our kids will always see the world through different colored glasses, but they can function with proper support and unconditional love. This is the hope I want to instill in others... unlike, the hope that the diagnosing psychologist offered us by telling us our daughter would never have a meaningful relationship, work or live independently... if we didn't do her ABA program!

This post was about the hope Jenny offers. The strength she emits to some. It was to defend a fellow mother who has been criticized for 'speaking outside the box'. My most recent critic responded, "There is NO evidence to indicate that vaccinations cause autism. http://tinyurl.com/ylbnrpc Think critically. http://tinyurl.com/cxnbvv"

Well, I go could go on for a really long time about both of those statements, but this sums up my reaction:

I do think critically -- about a system that deems it perfectly safe to inject mercury into a pregnant woman, yet tell her not to eat tuna fish.

I think critically -- about a system that refuses 3rd party unbiased research.

I think critically -- about the people sitting behind a computer making these comments... I wonder who is paying them.

I think critically -- about the systems (including doctors who chelate) that are taking advantage of desperate mothers and families.

I think critically -- about how there is only one industry that the government says, "Hey, if your product injures or kills a child or baby... don't worry, we have your back. You are not responsible."

I think critically -- about the elephant in the middle of America's pestilence among it's children; and wonder why we continue to tip-toe around and defend it.

I think critically -- about much and often!!

Most importantly, I think critically -- about each calculated move I make in addressing my child's symptomatology (which happens to mimic mercury poisoning- but we won't go there [today]). I think critically about the cost of her traditional and non-traditional treatment, her education, her dietary needs, her spiritual needs, her emotional needs, cognitive needs, physical needs...

Exceptional Beyond Labels… One Year After the Autism Diagnosis

It is a quiet Halloween morning…. As I sit here, I reflect on how today marks the one year anniversary of Sahara’s formal diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Although I thought this would be an emotionally charged day, I feel quite content… and even optimistic.

SAHARA...

When Sahara was 5 months old, like many others on the autism journey, we suspected a hearing loss. The pediatrician nonchalantly dismissed our concerns, but there was always this nagging maternal instinct that something was not right. When we inquired about her speech delay at age 3 the doctor told us and I quote, “…some kids just don’t talk until they are 6.”

After another year of begging professionals to listen to us that something was wrong with our daughter, someone finally listened!! That opened up the door to many, many tests and procedures. She was formally diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder; which prompted even more medical tests. We found that there was little hope for recovery in the western model. In fact, one medical professional told us that she would never get married, go to college, or live independently… she suggested institutionalization. I decided in that moment to prove that professional wrong and became an advocate for my daughter.

We have explored many traditional and non-traditional modalities as we addressed her speech, social, sensory, fine / gross motor, dietary, sleep and cognitive delays. As we track our results, we see many successes and accomplished milestones. Being personally touched by autism has created an empowerment in my inner core. I dedicated my professional life to serving children and helping others in the mental health and alternative health system before this journey… I find it interesting that these collective experiences were cultivating a unique perspective that would be cornerstone to my daughter’s functional expression of life.

It has been exactly one year today since we uttered the word, “autism” in connection with Sahara. As I reflect about the progress we have made, I am reminded of a little 4 year old girl that was once catatonic, nonverbal, isolated in her own world, non-interactive, anti-social, clumsy, stemming vocally, spinning, eating only a few foods, exhausted from irregular sleep patterns, wearing diapers and having tantrums because of fundamental frustrations and sensitivities. That little girl has blossomed into a 5 year old expression of life… yes, my daughter will always see life through different colored lenses, but now we can see that she is exceptional beyond this label... and we are working on a life of independence and fulfillment.

As we continue to develop tools for her to function, we see that she can and will live the life of purpose while her parents hold as of high aspirations for her as her older sister. I even reckon it would be a hoot if Emily and Sahara became Paleontologists working side by side— like they do in their imaginative play together. And yes, maybe a husband, children and we can throw a white picket fence into the mix of possibilities!!

We have come a very long way in just 12 months. …And now as I look at this exceptional child beyond the label of autism, I realize that we have a lifetime commitment to supporting her on the spectrum, but we are dissolving the negative connotations that come with a label. She is Sahara Grace, not autism. 

I recognize that there is much controversy about whether or not you can cure a child of autism… I am not going to go into my perspective on that. However, I will say that Reiki and adjunctive services have started alleviating some of the major issues in this sensitive child. Daily her vocabulary grows. Yes, she still uses echolalia... but at least now we know she is capable of developing speech. Slowly it is emerging. We are seeing evidence of her yearning to interact with others appropriately, and is entering our world more and more. I am amazed how much progress we have made in just one small year!! Regardless of her level of function I will always accept her for who she is just like a parent of a nuero-typical child would. But, each milestone comes with a special joyful celebration.

My Name Is Not Autism!

We have have been excelling in just about every aspect of this thing in our lives called autism; making progress with leaps and bounds. Yes, I know we have a long way to go, but it is in those seemingly small triumphs (like hearing a pronoun escape those lips) that we continue to aim for the monumental finish line. This is a race I not only got roped into without consent, but it is also one I will finish with vigor!

As we propel forward I have changed some of my thinking.... I have stopped saying that my daughter is autistic, instead I say she is diagnosed with autism. See if she is something it is here to stay. She is a girl... She is a sister... She is O-... those things won't change. But, diagnoses and labels can be (and are) removed.

My daughter in not autism, my daughter is experiencing autism.

My agenda is not hidden. My goal is to get my daughter beyond this label. Not for my benefit but hers. I know that will piss some people off. In fact, I know several camps that will claim that is impossible or that this is not all accepting of her. But, I challenge that. As we recover from the toxins that soared through her body as a fetus and infant we start to see glimpses of the Sahara Grace that would have been...

Is it wrong to want to know that child? Is it wrong to yearn for her recovery? Is it wrong to say that I won't stop this fight until the label is gone and she is able to function normally? Is it wrong to yearn to hear her thoughts, dreams and aspirations? Is it wrong to want for her to fit in with her peers without obvious deficits? Is it wrong that I get pissed off that her childhood was stolen from her? ... from her sister?

The answer is simple: no!

It isn't about the label... it is about the stigma, the deficits, the inability to effectively communicate, the lack of peer interaction, the sensitivities that interrupt the seemingly simple daily tasks, the freaking moments she can't tell me what is happening to her when I am not there to protect her...

We will conquer autism. Not because we don't love her for who she is today; that person's attributes are beyond words!! She is an incredible soul with lots of love, humor, wit, and charm. But because we want more for her than the constant feedback, "She is such a sweet child!" or "Isn't she pretty?" Yes, she is sweet and pretty.... but she is more that that. Often people say these things when the autism is in the forefront of her day.

I am sure they think this comforts me and makes me feel better. But, honestly it pushes buttons deep within me. She is more than a sweet child or a pretty girl... she is Sahara Grace, and she has so much she wants to teach the world, so much hidden in this fog that she wants to express, feeling that are bound in her, and accomplishments waiting to be recognized.

She is Sahara Grace... not autism!!